Charles Stanley

January, 1990 Radio Message

"Self-Rejection: Its Characteristics, Causes & Cures"

"Self-rejection is a form of bondage that causes you to project these feelings on others that they didn't feel them at all." (Self-rejection, and all the so-called feelings associated with it, would be better defined (Biblically) as one's sinful response to ones circumstances and/or sin against him.)

-  Uses Col. 1:21,22 as proof-text for this message and the thesis that people who suffer from feelings of self-rejection, "suffer from a very painful form of bondage."

-  "People in self-rejection syndrome have chronic feelings of unworthiness."

-  "Rejection is a form of control, manipulation, and domination; when someone needs acceptance and we deprive them of that, we are controlling, manipulating, and dominating them." (The Bible, of course, knows nothing of this "need for acceptance;" its source in humanistic psychology.)

-  Stanley's bottom line is that "people who suffer from self-rejection are willing to base their self-worth on opinion of others rather than on relationship to God."

-  "Dominating thought of person feeling self-rejection is this: 'I must please these people in order to feel good about myself.'"

Characteristics of people feeling self-rejection:

-  Overemphasis on dress (a self-image problem)
-  Difficult time trusting God
-  Difficult time loving others/being loved by others (psychic determinism/childhood hurts)
-  Critical spirit
Feelings of inferiority/inadequacy
-  Anger
-  Perfectionism ("I must be perfect to feel good about myself; arrogance and pride feelings are really cover-ups for insecurity.")
-  Easily hurt
-  Suspicious of others actions
-  Self-isolation (that way, the only one that rejects them is themselves)
Depression (because you failed your expectations)
-  Self-verification (of their worthiness/self-worth)
-  Sensual fantasies (not a matter of sexual morality, it's a matter of acceptance)
-  Domineering the circumstances

The above list should actually be labeled "sinful responses of people claiming self-rejection." The above items in the list have no Biblical basis. Their roots are instead Rogerian/behavioristic psychology and Freudian psychic determinism.

-  "So what if someone else rejects you, your self-worth is not based on that individual's opinion, but on God's."

Causes of self-rejection: (This scenario completely ignores an individual's responsibility for sinful responses to ones circumstances and/or to sinful actions against them.)

-  Early in life deformity
-  Deep emotional hurt from past childhood [psychic determinism]
-  Death of a parent ("Daddy died because he didn't love me" feelings.)
-  Abandonment ("You create awesome feelings of rejection that will go with that family the rest of their life, and you will be the ultimate reason for it.")
-  Divorce
-  Child abuse
-  Guilt feelings from past sins/mistakes
-  Criticism from other people

-  According to Stanley, three feelings needed for one to be emotionally healthy:

(a) Feelings of belonging
(b) Feelings of worthiness
(c) Feelings of competence

Self-worth should be based upon what God says, which according to Stanley is, "I have a sense of worth -- Jesus died for me; I have a sense of competence -- the Holy Spirit is working in me" (complete failure to recognize that Christ died for us, not because of our great worth, but because of our great sin!).

-  Stanley's three steps to overcoming self-rejection:

(a) Identify the feelings of rejection
(b) Reject the feelings of rejection (based on God having said, "I'm worthy ")
(c) Affirm the following: (sounds a little like positive confession)

(1) "Father, I thank you that I am unconditionally loved"
(2) "I am completely forgiven"
(3) "I am totally accepted"
(4) "I am complete in Christ"

Biblical Discernment Ministries